Phd funding

I am intending to begin my PhD in five months time. In December I applied for funding from Midlands 3 Cities. The odds are approximately that around 1 in 10 applicants for funding are successful. I was hopeful but not expectant; I have in the course of my lifetime become something of an expert at coming fourth; good, but just outside of the medals.

I was told in February that I was through to the final stage of selection - although I don't know what percentage of applicants were also through to the final stage. Last week I received an email, and opened it up... The first line of it read something like "After careful consideration, I can confirm that..." and for half a second there my heart leapt... until I read the second half of the sentence, saying that I hadn't been selected for funding. When I worked in recruitment, I sent many rejection letters to unsuccessful applicants, and none of them ever began with the words "I can confirm". So when I received this email from M3C, I read and reread it just to make sure. And alas, I am sure that it said I've not been selected for funding.

I'm friends with several of the PhD philosophy​ students at UoN, and I only know of one who is self-funded (so I know of around 7 who are funded). Surrounded by such success stories, it would be easy to assume that it's easy to obtain funding, but I have been well aware (and am now even more so) that the unsuccessful applicants for funding simply aren't there. It's not that they don't exist, but that they don't exist on the PhD programme.

It's pretty disheartening to face the sad reality that I'm not one of The Chosen Ones, but I'm trying to remain philosophical (ha! That won't be the last time I make that rather poor joke!) There are other chances for funding, and if those avenues are also unsuccessful, then I can self-fund.

I think.

I hope.

Ok, I don't really know if I can afford to. But I have my heart set on PhD study now, and it will be devastating for me if I can't pursue it.